A Real Tigers Fan

Posted by Colleen Murray on March 31, 2014
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Opening Day, 2014

A Real Tigers Fan wears his best Tiger merchandise on Opening Day. Then he buys other stuff.

After winning on Opening Day, a Real Tigers Fan says, “We may not lose another game.”

A Real Tigers Fan watches each pitch in April like it matters as much as those in September because it does.

A Real Tigers Fan has two hot dogs per game. Unless he’s a vegetarian, then he only has one.

A Real Tigers’ Fan is secretly jealous of the Bat Boy.

A Real Tigers fan believes Al Kaline is the best player on Earth. And all the other planets. In this or any other solar system.

A Real Tigers Fan renewed his Season Tickets after the 2003 Season even though we lost 119 games.

A Real Tigers Fan loves to beat the Yankees. Especially, in October. Twice.

A Real Tigers Fan does not say, “It’s supposed to rain. Let’s stay home.” He says, “I hope it rains. The Yankees are a terrible ‘bad weather team’.”

A Real Tigers Fan has no reason to go to St. Louis, San Francisco, or Boston, but we can go to New York any time we want.

A Real Tigers Fan thinks nothing of getting to a Seven O’Clock Game at 4:30.

A Real Tigers Fan will not go to Cooperstown until Jack Morris does. And Alan Trammell. And Lou Whitaker.

A Real Tigers Fan believes Miguel Cabrera could hit .300 with his eyes closed and .400 if the rest of the league were stupid enough to pitch to him.

A Real Tigers Fan knows that in between Clark Gable and George Clooney was Rocky Colavito.

A Real Tigers Fan knows why time stopped in 1935, 1945, 1968, and 1984.

A Real Tigers Fan thinks nothing of asking his favorite Tiger to sign the part of his body closest to the tattoo of his favorite Tiger.

A Real Tigers Fan wears his Tiger Cap to bed. On his honeymoon.

A Real Tigers Fan thinks Jose Feliciano’s rendition of the Star Spangled Banner made Kate Smith sound like a fat lady singing.

A Real Tigers Fan knows Goose Goslin was neither a goose nor a gosling.

A Real Tigers Fan will never forget Dick McAuliffe introducing himself to Tommy John.

A Real Tigers Fan believes Mark Fidrych talking to a baseball was perfectly normal behavior.

A Real Tigers Fan can re-enact Dave Rozema’s karate kick. Without injury.

A Real Tigers Fan knows the Pope’s “triregnum”, also known as the “papal triple crown”, is not as cool as Miggy’s.

A Real Tigers Fan knows that if Cy Young were alive today, he’d be our #3 Starter.

A Real Tigers Fan knows Lou Brock was out. By a mile.

A Real Tigers Fan thinks Fenway Park is bad architecture.

A Real Tigers Fan does not say a word when Justin Verlander has no hits going into the 7th inning. And I didn’t just say anything now.

A Real Tigers Fan considers the Fox Sports Girls family.

A Real Tigers Fan can understand every word Paws is trying to say.

A Real Tigers Fan misses the Lindell A.C.

A Real Tigers Fan believes “Trammell to Whitaker to Bergman” was better than “Tinker to Evers to Chance”.

A Real Tigers Fan likes the Pistons, the Red Wings, and the Lions. But he would marry the Tigers.

A Real Tigers Fan remembers his father taking him to his first game. And taking his father to his last.

And finally, a Real Tigers Fan can close his eyes and see Kirk Gibson rounding third. He can hear the sound of Hank Greenberg launching one into the Upper Deck and see Willie Horton rope one down the left field line.

He can see Al Kaline rob someone of extra bases deep in the right field corner, Charlie Gehringer make a backhanded stab look routine, and Jo-Jo White stretch a single into a double.

He can hear Dizzy Trout’s fastball smack into the palm of Bill Freehan’s glove, see Schoolboy Rowe pick up a rosin bag and Ty Cobb reach for a bat.

He can imagine swapping stories with Sparky Anderson, talking spit balls with Mickey Cochrane, and privately suggesting to Mayo Smith that playing Mickey Stanley at shortstop in the ’68 World Series might not be a bad idea.

Sure, none of that’s real, unless you’re one of us, and then it’s as real as…well, Opening Day. Because to us, Opening Day is more than just the start of another season. On Opening Day, what we’re really doing, is coming home.

-Jeff Daniels

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